Hex Code for Lonesome

Color me lonesome in pale and bold reds
   then dip me in chocolate and take me to bed
I miss you when dreaming - breathing - awake
And I pine for you - melancholy -  all thru the day 
I am covetous & greedy craving your presence
   like  glow- tones pulsing violetly iridescent 
I miss you even though I tried to think you away
 Still the shade of longing is indescribably vague

Seduction

passion -

a precious, caressed agony erotically seduced 

evocative & revelatory -- manifesting radical truth 

once possessed, the spirit transcends infatuation:

the Beloved has been mastered: 

mercy is sacred when suffering is sated

Trophy Scarves, Tacky Art: Some Questions About Nate Hill's Performance Art

"‘I don’t want to tell people what to do with their lives,’ Hill said of the racial issue to which he is trying to drawing attention. ‘I just hope they would examine their motives, that’s all.’
Hill himself is the child of a black father and white mother, making the issues associated with Trophy Scarves feel ‘close to home,’ he says.
He added that ‘I am not really black, I’m half black but I don’t really identify as black.’
For that reason, Hill says that he feels like he is role playing when working on the Trophy Scarves series.
‘For me its role playing, I’m playing the role of a black man,’ he told us.
According to Hill, the experience is also one of role playing for his white female subjects too.
‘I just assume she is playing the role of a white woman,’ he said of the models’ work, also adding ‘What difference does it make about me or how I feel about the models, the more important thing is the issue in the public now about black men who might find white woman to be a status symbol.’Nate Hill's Trophy Scarves

So so so many problems with this. Nate Hill has got problems. His problems are making me hyperventilate. I don't know where to begin.  Mr Hill doesn't identify as black, which is quite his right and personal freedom  -- in spite of what his mirror can quite clearly reveal to him. And, I might add that if  that is still not convincing I would invite him to interact with some cops who might be disagree with his contention quite violently. Still if his primary motive is to challenge a real trend of  black men  acquiring white girlfriends in order to indicate their higher social status then isn't he rather taking the position from a white man's point of view, a white supremacist point of view, to  say that in fact that race mixing is  offensive objectification, that this use and abuse is a violation of white womanhood?

 Hill is merely reinforcing the entire pedestal concept it seems. Protect and keep white womanhood safe and pure from predators. Further the gross objectification of the imagery only demonstrates that womanhood itself is worth little without the man to whom she is attached. The racial overtones are very much complicated  by his own claim to the identity of whiteness. He has taken himself outside the racial argument into the arena of white supremacy where he rebukes, judges, lays down the law and of course mocks the very idea of interracial couples

 Hill, himself, is the product of an interracial marriage between a black father and white mother. One envisions all manner of  Greek tragedy and Oedipal complexes factoring into the formation of his identity and this performance art's underlying thesis.  He says that he doesn't "want to tell people what to do with their lives" but cautions the audience to examine their motivations for entering these relationships. Is this a coded message particularly aimed at white women who allow themselves to be objectified by the status seeking black men? Hill's "art project"   provokes inevitably compelling questions about the artist. 

I can't help but wonder if he is expressing ambivalence about his own black father: is he suggesting that his own white mother has been used and objectified by a black man? Why is it his need to  send out this sardonic and cynical message? It's not as if a certain kind of black man doesn't tend to view a white female companion as a status symbol -- OJ Simpson comes to mind.

 But whether Hill sees himself as black or not the fact of the matter is that American culture's adherence to the One Drop Rule will identify him as black. His art project is fraught with so many troubling issues that it's almost impossible to get to the heart of what the flying fuck is going on here? Who died and made this dude the Darth Vader of the Anti Race Mixing Defense League.

 Is he worried that the white women who date, marry, and fuck black men can't think for themselves? Is he concerned that black men with insecurity issues are threatening to the purity of white womanhood?

If black women were seen as status symbols to white men would he be quite so aggressive in expressing his artistic race theories? I think not but I thank god that we black women don't have to worry about him coming to our defense. He's got enough problems going on just trying to respect himself and his own racial identity. 

Aphorism No. One

 Life 

is hard on the body

and hard on the soul

and hard on the feet

that journey the road

If you can make a little love

and feel a little peace

along the way

you've fulfilled half the purpose

and reason for the stay

Artist Mang Bo

Thanksgiving for GOOD GirlFrienship!! PS - Away with the Crazy Makers and Yay for TRUTHFUL Powerful Reinforcement based in Love and Mutual Commitment to Betterment

One thing I REALLY like about being a late 30-something rather than a cutesy but confused 20something is that around 30 and certainly by 35 you simply have to start cleaning out your friendship closet. Well that is if you want a productive and satisfying friendship life --so AWAY go all the stressor types and the party friends with drama 24/7; the fake girls; the friends who always seem to make you doubt yourself and your actions, who always are able to sow those seeds of discontent within you when you otherwise are indeed quite content....

Oh the list abounds with the so called friends and crazy makers that you have to part with in the post-35 era. And its scary at first!! You think about what people are saying behind your back, is this the right thing....and that's how you know you did EXACTLY the right thing. If you're spending all your time worrying about petty shit you need a Friendship MakeOver and somebody is going to GoodWill at the end!!

But it's about what you GAIN from the process...and that means women friends who can tell you the truth without making you feel small or silly. Who reassure you of your self worth when you are being your own worst critic. Who are there for laughs and hugs just because but also full of support in the hard times. Whom you don't have to have a REASON to drop a line and say "hey girl this is happening to me, isnt' it great" or "Hey girl this is happening aint that some shit!" It's worth so much peace of mind and comfort in spirit to have other women friends who are actively working to put themselves in the right space mentally, physically, spiritually, creatively etc. just as you are doing as well

You may SEEM to lose a lot in the Friendship Charity Give -Away but you gain so much more. It's the Thanksgiving season and I'm so grateful for those friends whose "real talk" is something I cherish rather than secretly hiding offense.It's wonderful to have friends whose opinions you respect even should you disagree. It's that ability to respect even in disagreement, in recognizing that what may be right for another is/isn't right for you that indicates you've correctly placed yourself on a maturity level about your friendship. You know what to put in in order to receive good vibes back. Don't forget to say a prayer o thanks for TRUE Good Girlfriends this week!! 

Good conversation, good friendship, good laughs, good hugs, good love and real healthy and honest advise coming from the place of love and meant to keep you on the road to self realization is what it's about.

Viva good girlfriends!! <3 

The Vestals of the Shrine to Psychalgia

I am hungry for pain; it is what I eat
nourishes the brain, sharpens the mind
transforms bloats tricks the passage of time

The opium eaters seek to lessen the ache
while the cutters create wounds to celebrate the pain
each performing holy ritual to make it more true

facing the vague remembrance of a time before
of a place where it un-ends too soon

Could you...? Would you...?
trade it, unchoose it, intensify it
in lieu of the suffering
that enlightens the soul journey
forward, back-again, through it

Pain requires a sanctuary to worship inside
to exalt the deity, raise it on high
to meditate on silent screams heard
only by the vestals tending the shrine

if the pain were to stop what would we do?
expire from heartache?
pass away into mist? 

now the holy offices are complete
see the vestals bleed into myth

Grief Stricken, In Tears, Drunk on the Floor

You laid waste to yourself                                          

Artist Florian Nicolle

now you're full arsed bare
but you were afraid, so afraid
he'd leave you
get bored
if you didn't give it up
you were fearful he wouldn't care

and he did leave
now you're heart-less:
you gave that away
you're soul-less:
you sold that to make him stay
and you're mind-less:
because you lost that long ago
now you're home-less as well
because you can't live on your own
it's too scary to live
inside yourself
you're too wary of the silence
and the thoughts that
live there tempting self violence

but darling can't you at least
find a way to live without a man
for a day or a week
then you may cease the experiment
but if you just tried
you really would find that
there are a thousand loves more permanent

he's called a "user"
his job is to take what is yours
and that's why you're now
grief stricken
in tears
drunk
on the floor

Yes dear heart. You can live without him.

Keep Pushin

by Judas Berra

I came into this world
on some shit that didn't last
got to know who your friends be
or you will end fast ~
if you don't understand
I can't explain
no better than that
you got to roll with them punches baby~
always hit hard
always hit back

Keep pushin baby
You got to keep pushin