Saturday, April 20, 2013

La Jolie Femme Noire Reflects on the Distractions of the Internet

You know I really could get all kinds of work done if the internet weren't so afraid of being left alone, all by himself. He can't stand to be ALONE. He's one of those people, can't stand to be alone, not even for quiet time to spend just thinking, you know? It's exhausting trying to entertain him.

I mean it's like everytime I sit down to work Internet goes "You don't love me!! You work ALL the time and never appreciate me!! Sometimes I hate you!! I'm lonely when you're not with me. I thought this was a relationship but now I see how it is. My mother told me as much. We live alone and die alone too...." Internet is very melodramatic when he's hurting so he uses all the guilt trippy blahblahblah-yakkety yak nonsense. 

He even said --- this is OUTRAGEOUS!! --- Internet actually said to me -- wait for it, wait for it (that son of a bitch!!):

 "You're just using me!"' That's what Internet said to me. He was angry because I was trying to work. He said that to ME!! After all I've done for him? I've given him my love,my heart, my time.... *mournful headshake*

I mean the truth is that Internet is downright emotionally abusive to me sometimes. I don't like to talk about it you know.... because.... well, I don't want you to think badly of him. Internet loves me. I love Internet. He's The One. There's no one else like him. And he doesn't mean it when he says or does mean things to me. You know? I mean it doesn't happen all the time!! You don't understand. Not really.

 Maybe...maybe we need couple's counseling or something. *low whisper* That's another thing....I suspect Internet is being unfaithful to me. I came across some, um, indelicate pictures the other day. Do you know what I mean?

I don't want to mention it to Internet since he's already so mad at me. But I need to write and he can't blame ME for his unfaithfulness. I won't be blamed after all I'm the victim.

 Oh Internet!!  You're breaking my heart you treacherous bastard!!!

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