Goodbye Was the Lie

Perhaps you already have enough

by Ellygator

and my love is too much
like a noisy distraction
or an unwanted touch
so you've said
I must be mad to disbelieve
is it just my desire my imagination
my doubt and my dreams
my hope to survive hopelessness
or a faith which remains
stubborn despite
the unseen
the hunch
that gut level punch without nary
a contact between fist and stomach

unrevealed and secret
yet one swears
declares
testifies
the truth
of these ghosts in the mind
that one insists must exist
but the doctors drone on
airily dismiss
wave away
the mind's impenetrability
irrationality
willful
quirks & tricks
when confronted with loss
with unendurable
shock at reality's cruel
capriciousness

yet I see you
with sight unerringly precise
and I feel that rage inside that
you fail to conceal
(you've never successfully hidden much from me)
perhaps to some you appear
calm
well contained
or to others difficult to comprehend
but I know your ways
beyond some who cherish you
dearly
have you
and hold you
each day

and often I wonder if that rage is born
in frustration at having been exposed
is it anger that you cannot with me
hold on to your pose
the rage of the suddenly
dispossessed
whose ruse was unmasked
and revealed you to yourself

and it's true that you do not
belong to me
it's true that we are separated
by continents and seas
it's true that sight exists
in more than just the eyes
it's true that un-truths can be
commissioned  beyond
mere words to establish
pretense and lies

convince yourself
if that is
what you need
reassure yourself that standing
in front of you
is all that  can be possessed
loved or seen

pretend that you don't
feel
want
dream
need
to hold
me

perhaps one day
you will actually
believe

but the rage inside
won't let you be
it is the evidence of your own denial
even yourself you cannot deceive

and in your heart you can test this truth
do you love me?
do you truly wish to say goodbye?
are you reading this, love?
ask yourself now:
do you lie?

Goodbyes need not be
so hurtful nor so cruel
nor do those bidding
adieu
continue to seek secretly
the sight
of a stone dead amour
as you do
and I

Goodbye
was
the
most
foolish
lie
you
ever
told
me