Wednesday, February 4, 2015

That Fee-Free Cable Realness/I, Too, Sing America!!

Back in the day, before digital cable became the norm it used to be easy to steal cable service and save yourself from a hundred-dollar a month bill, but progress has put a stop to those winsom, carefree times! It used to be so simple, so dangerous to accidentally catch your foot in some of that wayward cord and risk crashing to your death upon the floor by your broken glass of red Kool-aid... Or, wait, maybe that's just me and something that I personally know. You know, maybe it's just me. No. It's not. Clearly. 

I'm not gonna lie and say that I am unfamiliar with the experience of calling up that dude from the neighborhood who works for the cable company and makes a few extra bucks hooking people up with fee-free services. Pay Bruh-Man a $75 and he'll show up around 8 or 9pm, after he gets off his shift, with his tools and begin the process which we'll give ease and entertainment to all the family: he will begin work to "get your cable on". 

Ah, those times... 

  But when you DO take that route then same brotha also ALWAYS ends up having to run a cord from the electrical pole outside thru the kitchen window, detouring through both bathrooms in the house, looping it around banister of the staircase, then applying a splitter to make all the TV sets in all the rooms "cable-ready" until 500ft of awkward, ugly ass cable cord comes to its final resting place in the second bedroom upstairs.

And you can't even pr
etend when nice folks come visit you  -- who probably got so much money that they have legit cable, HBO and Showtime even!! they pay their bill on time every month!! - face sthat your cable hook-up is just like theirs because you got this crazy amount of cable cord in everybody's face (looking like you about to lynch errybody in town, just go over there and cut me off some a that cable cord and errybody getting strung up!! Wait get that one in the middle first cuz I saw him looking at it all condescending so fuck him---). 

This photo is evidence at least of an ATTEMPT to keep secret and unobtrusive the obvious fee-free cable downside. 

Ah, I remember...!! I stand in solidarity with this home!!
Oh, that Fee Free Cable Realness!!
I, too, sing America! 

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